if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
