I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My feet surprised me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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