it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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