wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
