my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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