talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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