Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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