He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
