I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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