You're my little dorito
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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