On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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