perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
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You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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