everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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