This girl is more easily done than said...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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