I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
