i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
