Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
