I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
