Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
