the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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