i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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