did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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