Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
