you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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