Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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