So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
