It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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