Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she peed on how many people?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
