no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
