It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
