Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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