So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
