what if every blade of grass was a penis?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
being pregnant is like rehab
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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