Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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