You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
