she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
