My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
