Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
