The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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