He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
