Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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