the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
