the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
