Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
