too bad you live with your parents still
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
