what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
