I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
