Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
