we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
