I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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