yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
