She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
