I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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