TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
