Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
