Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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