You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
