nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
