East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
