i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you traded sex for a burrito?
high people should be assigned attendants
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They are going to name an STD after you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
