Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
