i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
