After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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